Confuse??

I just can't understand all the changes coming to me these few days. Boggle used to the game I like it so much that I'm willing to travel back to school everyday just for 2 or 3 hours of training. But the name "BOGGLE" now make me sick n tired. I'm already trying my very best to improve. I agree that I may not be putting in enough effort, still I'm already trying. There's always a limit to everything. Stop putting youself as a standard and wants everyone to fulfil it. I have eonugh of all these things. Worrying about not having enough players, worrying about the players not training hard enough, worrying about the team not as strong as last year. Do u all understand how much pressure all u guys putting on my shoulder? I though boggle should be a fun game? We should enjoy all the training session? Then why am I feeling more and more stressful as days passed. Maybe my feeling n love for hall 10 is decreasing, maybe I'm just born as a follower and have no leadership quality in me.

The thought of leaving the team is flashing on my mind every now and then. Should I just quit and leave the team to die? That will be super irresponsible of me to leave the team like that. But I'm seriously feeling super super stress. I don't think I'm up to the standard to be the pillar. Neither did I want to be one. I just wan to have fun learning the game. Even if I joined the team and play during the competition, I don't think I can play to whoever expectation. Why should I follow what u all want me to do, why can't I just have a life of my own?

Can I have a break? I want to enjoy the rest of my holiday before I go for my attachment, wanted to enjoy the last bit of my hall life just in case I"m not going to stay in year 4. Looks like I have made up my mind that hall life is really not what I'm looking for. So, bye to hall 10 and bye to all the sports and recreastional games I joined...